moving backwards

It's amazing how much and how little has changed. I just arrived in Greensboro (where I lived for four years up until June). I had finally felt a little at home here, but coming back I feel like an outsider all over again. The polite distance of the people here always leaves me feeling a little lonely. I drove by my old house to see a fence that the new owner put up. All in all though, it feels very much the same. I'm looking forward to seeing some of my beautiful Greensboro friends and neighbors that give the place such meaning to Jen and I. I'm still not sure who will make it to the screening (or not), but hopefully there will be a couple of pints at McCouls afterwards.
In some way, I'm longing for Saturday.... I arrive in Lake Charles and can forget about the flying. Meanwhile, I fly every day until then, crisscrossing the South as if searching for some relic to give it meaning, or looking for the intangible clues to my own relationship with this part of the country.
I've been looking forward to this trip as a sort of personal journey. Coming to Greensboro so soon after leaving it, then hitting Charleston, SC (where I was born) on my 38th birthday, then off to Lake Charles (the region I grew up in and where my family is from) the next day. It's almost as if I'm moving backwards in time... backwards into my body.... waiting to hit the bone marrow to see what it's made of... a small glimpse of my personal history and a half conscious vision of my ancestry, all in the context of these films that are both a personal history of my subconscious and a fleeting residue of filmic metaphysics.
To that end, I grabbed the novel Ka (about the Hindu gods) on the way out the door as it seemed to be the perfect companion on such a travel through so many ghosts (gone but not forgotten). We'll see how it plays.
The films are screening at 7pm.

Eric